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//Dating Hierarchy In A Social Circle

Dating Hierarchy In A Social Circle

In every social circle there are invisible hierarchies, or ladders which the women in that circle are all subtlety aware of. Each woman is somewhat aware of their position on this “imaginary” ladder, and it affects their dating behaviour.

These ladders can be based on a number of different criteria. They can be based on beauty, intelligence, sophistication, money and even promiscuity (or lack of). The higher up in the ladder a woman is placed, the more social power she is going to have in that social group.

If we use a “beauty” ladder, for example. Imagine a social circle or social scene that consists of catwalk models. The most beautiful (and likely the most successful), will almost always be the alpha female, or the female with the most social power. She will likely be the woman that others in the group or scene turn to for direction, and lead the status quo of the group.

One such example is the super model scene of the 90s where Naomi Campbell was the top girl and many reports stated that she had the power to influence many decisions of the bookers and talent agents, including denying some newer models work because she had an issue with them

A little off topic, but how does that tie in with you and your dating life?

The main effect, that you have to pay attention to when dating in your social circle, is that regardless of the basis of the ladder, women will rarely ever date down the ladder. Say you are dating a woman at the bottom of the ladder. You break up with her and you decide that you want to date a woman higher up the ladder. You’re going to find this very difficult.

For a woman to date the same guys as another woman lower down this imaginary ladder, it would mean that she was lowering her perceived value to the level of the woman lower down. Most girls will have anxiety doing this, especially if they have a lot invested in the group. So your advances will become quickly scuppered as the new girl you have your eyes on will want to keep her “place” in the group.

In order to identify what criteria is being used for the ladder, you have to understand the groups utility and especially the dating utility. These vary from group to group. Say for example the dating utility of a social circle is “promiscuity”. Then the girls who are more promiscuous or slutty, will find themselves lower down the ladder. This may not have an effect on how the girls interact with each other, but will almost certainly have an effect on how they perceive you and your actions to the group. Date the girls that are perceived as being more slutty, then the prim and proper girls will be less open to your advances and vice versa.

This is a lot more important and common in social circles where beauty isn’t the driving force. High school is an example, and so is the workplace. This also applies to the women that you are seen with outside of the social circle as well.

I have painted a rather black and white picture to illustrate the point, and in reality it is not this set in stone. There are shades of grey, but this is something that the majority of women in social circles are aware of on some level.

How do you use this knowledge to your advantage?


You take your time.

When meeting a woman for the first time, especially one that has a lot of social influence, it may be an idea to give it a while before you dive in and make your move. She may introduce you to her social circle or social scene and their may be a number of other women more suited to your tastes. And if you weren’t aware of these ladders, you may have already disqualified yourself from what could be your dream girl.

Something to consider next time you strike up a conversation at the bar.